Faith in the Midst
It has been quite a while since I have written. I never knew that writing a book would create such change. I am so humbled and honored to have written it. But since completing my book, it has felt like there was not much left for me to say. Not that it always has to be a bad thing. It has just felt like I poured out all that I had in me, and now, I am new. Different somehow.
Someone once told me that writing a book, or even a blog for that matter, is like giving birth. I can absolutely understand this concept. You carry this message within you for a while. The message grows within your soul. You relate and connect to each and every element. And then, you give birth to it. Every piece of you. Once the birth process is complete, you are so proud of it. You labored hard and have earned that moment of completion. But what you don’t expect, is this emptiness that is left. Like a baby no longer in the womb it once considered home, your soul feels incomplete and without purpose. But as you and I know, there is much purpose within us.
My life has taken such a huge shift after my book. There has been such an amazing response to it. Lives have been touched. Souls have been sparked. And even more, relationships with Jesus have been solidified. This was always my purpose, to see others come to know Jesus for themselves. Not the shallow relationship with Him that the world offers. The kind that you mention for convenience. But the real kind! The relationship with Jesus that defines your whole life. The kind where when you are at your lowest, you run to Him. The kind where when you are on an absolute high in life, and you want share every moment with Him. I used to think a relationship with Jesus was one that I had to leave at church as I was constantly reminded that I could never live up to His perfection. Thank God for freeing me from that prison of religion! Knowing Him personally has been the most freeing and live giving experience that can never be replaced.
And so, when I completed my book, I had to take a step back and take inventory of my life. Now that the message of finding purpose in Christ was out for the world to take hold of, was I living up to that message? Was I just the messenger with no intentions of stepping into that courageous faith and fulfilling the purpose in my life? The truth is, I wasn’t! I hadn’t completely stepped into the things He was calling me to do in my own life (that is a story for another time). So, I decided to take those faith filled steps of courage into the unknown. And what I found was that even though I had given birth to a message for others about their purpose, mine was not yet complete. The emptiness I was feeling was the beginning of what God wanted to do in me and through me. Contrary to what we may believe, God’s purpose for our lives has less to do with what we want it to be, and very much to do with how He wants to use us.
This is has been my journey since March. My world around me has been spinning. I have felt like a house in the middle of a wild storm. The cares of this life have beat against me. The raging of the storms have stirred up emotions that I would love to bury. Yet God is doing things that I have never imagined. In my messy storm, He is revealing His purposes for me. The purposes that I couldn’t make up if I tried. He is filling those empty places that were once filled with newness. He is stripping away what was, to prepare me for what is to come. And so I stand here trusting, not in what I know, but in WHO I know.
Are you in the middle of a storm right now? Are you finding that your purpose feels greater than the courage you have within you? Does it feel like your faith is wavering? I know those feelings well! But I encourage you to hold tight to Him and His word. I leave you with this, Hebrews 11 is the “faith” chapter as I like to call it. There are many passages in the Bible on faith, but this one was like fuel for my soul in the middle of my storm. Take a moment and read it. Or like me, read it daily until it fills in every nook and cranny of your soul. I promise you, it will breathe life into you. He is not done with you yet!
*You can find In Pursuit of Purpose on Amazon.com. It is available in both paperback and the Kindle e-book version.